hi guys! ---> ive been saying this so much today!!

school was ok today nothing special. tonight was good though, we had a youth leaders meeting at charlies house, ive only been home about 15mins, it was nice to listen 2 how everyone thought TGI's and infinity is going. it also helped me at the end to talk to people about how i am feeling at the moment. i am feeling ok at the moment but im sure it will all change again. i dont kno really how to explain my feelings, one moment happy the next hurt and upset. but tomorrow night will be fun :+) a group of us girlys are going to nandos so im looking forward to that. i am looking forward to this week and next week been over and then it is the holidays and a time i can relax and have some 'me' time. i guess the last few weeks have been tiring and i havent had as much time to myself as i should have because i have put everyone else before myself. today...1 thing that ment a lot to me, a boy who used to be my best friend and without naming any names, is a boy from school. we used 2 be really close but we got together and it didnt work out and now we are not at all close and dont always chat. today however he came up to me and said hello and asked how i was. this ment a lot to me, the main thing i want to do before leaving school is to be friends with him again properly. a boy in the year above me has become a great mate to me, we have only been mates a few months but i love him 2 bits, i can talk to him about anything and he listens to me and gives advise when he can. and im always here for him aswell, and he knos friends is as far as things will go between me and him, so everything in that aspect is cool. so school life is ok at the minute. i dont mind it and home could be better but church is great :+) so am i happy in this present moment of life....well yes and no, but more yes than no xxxx

tonight....

well tonight the service was about the homeless, i felt happy in 1 aspect because before i came to church i used a mcdonalds coupon which was for a free coffee and took it to this homeless lady who had been asking me for money, her face lite up and i felt happy i had helped her in some way. i didnt sit with the people i usually sit with at church because i really wanted some 'me' time with God. i was reflecting on things, as me and my brother who used 2 be so close have grown apart and it has really been getting to me, so i thought about going for prayer and in the end i did. christine prayed for me and i wanna say a mazzive thank you to her, i love her so much, she really helped me, and i really felt Gods presence and i burst into tears. christine just listened to me talk about it...so thank you christine :+) i also want to say a big thank you to all my friends at church, you guys are great all coming up to me to check im ok, i love you all so much more than you could ever know xxx. on a good note me and mum are getting on really well again, so thats one thing which is good and something to praise God for. xxxxx .

wow.....

i have had an awesome night, i went to a transforming luton prayer concert. i was going to stay in 2night and relaxed but steve said to me about the concert so i rang tasha and we went to it. it was truely awesome. i felt God so much and now im not feeling tired but full of energy. it was so awesome. seeing so many praying for our town together. it was held at my old church and it was great to see everyone again and chat to them. i am in a really good mood right now, and it is a great start to the weekend for me :+)

this week :+)

well yesterday i had a meeting with my form tutor, it is something all my year are doing. we are meeting with our form tutors for 15mins of mentoring, i didnt think i was going to find this helpful but i did.

we were talkin bout all my lessons, nd had 2 set targets nd i was telin her wat i wna do in future nd how school was at the moment and how lessons were going. she showed me dis pix wen i first got in dre of a tree nd dif ppl round the tree and i had 2 chose which 1 i fort i was like, so i chose 1 quite high up the tree with 1 person nd their bk nd another person had their arm rnd them nd she asked y i chose it so i sed cz they looked happy nd had their m8s rnd them nd then she sed was i happy at the moment then nd i sed yeh cz i got all me m8s nd dat.

so am i happy, well yeah i guess i am, school is going well at the moment and my social life is good although things at home could be better they are ok. i really felt God on sunday night, i didnt let anything distracted me and i had a one to one with God at church, it was awesome, i really felt in his presence.

at infinity on monday night we listened 2 a track by u2 before we worshipped called grace. i have heard every song u2 have ever done because my brother is a mazzive fan of theirs. so i just thought to myself of its justa u2 song, however i really like their new song - sometimes you cant make it on your own. i also like vertigo. i like some of their other music to, but i never normally pay at much attention to the lyrics. so the song started and i was in a pretty bad mood anyway, so i had my head on the chair and was thinking about things. the one thing i will remember about this song is these lyrics -- Grace makes beauty out of ugly things. this is so true, and that is song to stick in my head.

going on to this week and how is has been, well monday as i said before i was not in a good mood due to argueing with everybody at home apart from mum who is unwell. tuesday was ok, school went pretty well and i had a laugh. wednesday was good as i did the mentoring. and today has been quite good. we were doing this thing in drama called the chair game, where we had 3 chairs and had to do freeze frames using the chairs. we have done this for the last two days and i have really enjoyed it. im pleased as my friend who has been getting in a lot of trouble at school and i thought he was going to be kicked out permently wasnt, so i was pleased about that. i am really praying for him that he will stop getting in as much trouble as he is and that he will stay calm and stop trying to act hard and that he will stop getting himself in trouble. so i guess this week has been quite good and i have enjoyed it. i am really tired though and im looking forward to the weekend. XxXxX

well....

well i have pretty much sorted everything out with mum which is good. im in a good place in my life at the moment as although over the last few weeks not everything has been great and still isnt perfect God has helped for me to be happy and i am enjoying school even though it is boring so everything is all good. im happy as i got a C overall for my modular science exams and a high A on my history jack the ripper coursework so things are going well. im really looking forward to summer as i enjoy the summer at school and everyone seems to be in much better spirits. i no a few of my friends are finding life hard at the moment and without naming anyone i want you to know im here 4 u all. also want to pray for my mate at school and he is causing so much trouble and having a lot of problems. but things are in a good place for me at the moment. and so im feeling happy :+) so thank the Lord for that xxxxxxxxx

awah thanks hannahxxx

thanks for been a wicked mate hannah i love u loads we have such good chats about everything and anything and you are always dre 4 me and im always here 4 u love u babe xxxx

infinity....

well i really enjoyed infinity tonight, the end was really good because i had a nice chat with gill and im feeling happy now as i explained to her about the arguement with mum and she helped for me to understand it and that i have to forgive mum, so im going to pray to God that he'l help for me to fully forgive her. so its all good. and everyone was in pretty good spirits, so it was all good :+)

nice day out :+)

i had a really nice day out today. went and watched the boys play footy even though we only knew daniel that was on the team and greg and steve was supportin them!! but we went down to give them suport was a good game but we lost 1-0. then me hannah and tasha went down to town to take tasha to work, after me and hannah spent the whole time in debenhams getting hannahs prom dress!!! was very good value. should have been £100 and hannah got it for £32.50! i was very impressed!! after been in the shop for 3hours until hannah desided!! then we came back to mine before collecting tasha from work at 7 and going to nandos. so i have had a really nice day :+)

getting better :+)

im getting better now. i had to have two days off school but im getting there. well thank you to everyone who prayed for me.

i have been thinking a lot over the last two days. i keep saying how much im looking forward to leaving school but today it dawned on me, this is my last full summer at school. i love the summers at school, i have got the best memories at school from the last three summers there. its weird, once i leave i doubt il keep in touch with hardly anybody in my year. one thing i really want to do is make up with one of my friends i fell out with about a year and half ago. it isnt that we are not friends, its the fact that things are no longer the same between me and him, and we used to be best friends and tell each other everything, i long for the day when that will happen again but i dont no if it will.

i had a mazzive arguement with mum this week. i dont really want to talk about what happened and what it was about, but i want to thank Tasha, for listening to be and been there for me when i really needed someone. i am also thankful to God that me and mum are talking again. some parts of me are wondering if it is Gods plan that i am not well, because if i hadnt been ill me and mum would still not have been talking, so maybe it was Gods will for me to be ill for me and mum to make up. i cant say im not angry at her still, because i am, and it is going to take ages for me to completely forgive her for what she did. but i have lifted the situation to God now i just have to wait.

tomorrow should be a nice day because i am going out with tasha and hannah in the evening after not been able to tonight - sorry girlys xxx so hopefully we will have a good time ,not sure what we are doing yet properly getting a bite to eat. and i might go and watch the boys from church play footy as they have asked me to. so hopefully il be feeling well enough for tomorrow.

well i think im going to go and read some other blogs now......

awah thanks tashaxxxx

thanks tasha, i feel much better now, getting that off my chest. i love u so much hunnie, ur sucha good mate so thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ouch...in pain.....

i duno what i have done but i am in a bit of pain, all the right hand side of my body is hurting me. my tummy and my leg is really painful. please pray xxxx

friends...

what would you do without your friends? gosh, i havent been in the best of moods the last few days for a number of reasons and i dont really want to go into it. but adam and emma just rang me and have cheered me up. i really duno what id do without my friends, i was on the phone to tasha for 40mins last night and she listened to me for the whole time talk about how im feeling, she was lovely and just listened. and hannah on msn always been here for me to chat on and on. i love all my mates so much. and luke he has been so lovely we have sorted out the little differences we had and after the arguement on monday which was my fault we are really good friends again. i have so much respect for him as he is having a hard time yet listens to me and puts me first before himself. love all you guys xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

arguements, just what is the point of them?

hmm....*sigh* why are there arguements? ive just fallen out with my mum. i have fallen out with her so much this week and i dont really kno why. there has been no real reason for us to argue but everytime we have ive managed to make her cry. i feel really bad, i dont no why she has got so upset as normally she doesnt but the last few arguements she has. its really gotten to me. i guess i need to pray for ways to deal with it. my friend Luke has been great and listened to me go on about it and given me some helpful advise.

Lord, i really want to pray to you about these arguements with mum, Father, i kno everybody has arguements but lately me and mum are argueing about the smallest stupidest thing and it is really getting to me. Lord i just pray that these arguements would stop and we could sort things out without shouting or upsetting eachother. Amen

embarrased or truthful?

well...this made me think, today we had re, we were talking about what has happened in tsunami and if there was a God would there be suffering. i knew this was going to be intresting. i know for a fact God is real, as he has helped me and answered prayers. the lesson started with the question, who does not believe in God, only 2 people raised their hands. hmm.. i thought are the others not going to put up their hands when asked who does believe in God? the question was asked and everyone else apart from one girl put up their hand saying they believed in God. the one girl who didnt put up her hand, said it was because she believed there was something but wasnt sure what. WOW i thought to myself, some of the boys who think they are "hard" had put up their hands. i dont know if they were putting their hands up for the sack of it as they did not wanted to be asked why they did not believe but it really touched me to hope that it was true and they did believe. it touched me even more because one boy in my form who thinks a lot of himself who has had a lot of problems in his life but it a good friend of mine, who i have been praying for hopeing he would find God, put up his hand to say he believed. this made my heart feel so warm. this is going to be my prayer now, that those who put up their hands, if they do not actually believe that they would come to know the truth and come to know God. the conversation the class had about suffering and God was very intresting and touching that people seemed intrested and did believe in God. i really do hope the people who put up their hands were been truthful and do believe. i was not expecting more a less all my class to raise their hands. i raised my hand feeling proud of what i believe in and to see others raise their hands was extremly moving. i think it was a shock for the teacher because he said some of the other classes in my year only one or two had believed. i am really praying for my form now, as after we left the lesson,some of the "hard" boys carried on talking about it.

so so so sleepy!!!!

i am so tired, i got to bed around about 1 but ended up chatting to Jesus for 30mins about how i was feeling and just thanking him for helping me to get my work done, so i went to sleepy around about 2am!! and woke at 6-30. so like u can imagine i am rather tired!! im hopeing school will be ok today, i am not really looking forward to it, now that the holidays are over i know its back to hard work and i hope no problems with those girls will arise. well i had better go now.xxxx.

completed...

well its 12-30am and i have just finished my essay, but God gave me the patience and will to do it and i am thankful. thankful to all of you who prayed :+) im going to bed now, i have to be up in 7hours!! im going to be soooo tired at school but at least i got the coursework done! thanks to my brother for helping me for the last hour and helping me to make final improvements, he is a star and to my other brother who gave me a few ideas earlier on in the night :+) thanks guys!! xxxx

please pray for strength

please pray for me, i have a english essay due in tomorrow which i thought i had finished, i emailed it to my teacher for her to check over and she has emailed back telling me to change loads of it. i dont no how i am going to manage, i think il be up until 3am doing it.

lord, i really pray you help for me to do this essay the best i can. i pray you will help for me to know what i have to change and how to change it. father, i can only do my best on this essay but i do want to do well on it and i just pray you help me to have the paticence to do it. thank you lord. amen xxxx

made me think......

ive just read christines blog. i thought i would share the comment i have posted.

wow, it has made me think. i would be so upset if someone turned their back on me as they desided they was something more important for them to do. it is so true, at some point all of us turn our backs on Jesus, we deside there is something else we need to do which we feel is more important, but WHY, he died for us so we can live, he died for us so our sin can be forgive. for God so loved the world, he gave his only son. we forget that, but JESUS is the best thing, he is there and he listens to us, when we are down he helps us, he carrys us, when we are happy he joins with us in celebration. every night before i go to sleep i make sure i pray. sometimes i have things on my mind i need to pray for and other times i just pray and have a chat with Jesus. what can be better than chatting to the best possible person. its awesome chatting to Jesus. i love the feeling of falling asleep knowing Jesus was the last thing on my mind. if one night i forget to pray before i go to sleep, i do not have the same feeling in my heart. since i became a christian when i was 7, i have been through so much, and i know for a fact, if i hadnt found Jesus when i did, i would not have got through everything i have gotten through. for God is love.

father, you are the most amazing thing that can happen to anybody, you love us, you care for us and above all you sent your only son to die on the cross for us. so we can be forgiven. father, sometimes, we neglet you, we think there is something far more important for us to do, when there isnt. for you are the most important thing. you are the best thing that can happen in anybodys life. and lord i thank you for helping me to find you. amen xxx

friends.....

ive been thinking a lot over the last couple of days. im really lucky to have some of the greatest mates who have stuck by me no matter what the situation, they are true friends and i love them. i want all my friends to know, i'll always be here for you, i'll listen to you and try and help you.....no matter what, love u guys so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

02/01/05 xxx

well its weird, we are in the second day of 2oo5 already. i hope this year is going to be good. back to school on wednesday, some parts of me are wanting to and others arent. i want to go and get it out the way. i can't wait untill june 2oo6 when i will leave school, that will be really good because i really want to go to college and meet new people and i have desided i want to do something with travel when i grow up, either a holiday rep or air hostess is the idea at the moment, whether i will change my mind i dont no. its special at the moment as it is a year now since st marys became my church :+) and i have the best friends down there that will be life long friends. tonight was strange church wasnt on in the evening and i really missed it and i have really missed infinity not been on, but everything will be back to normal next sunday so that will be cool =) the weddings of the last year were amazing. hannah and matts on new years eve, was so romantic, with the sparklers and candle light and was really dedicated to their familys, with both matts mum and hannahs mum lighting a candle and then hannah and matt taking light from each candle to light a candle in the middle, which represented joining the two families toegther as one. and charlie and claires wedding, which was really sweet and was nice to see so many people attend both these weddings. i was dissapointed as i couldnt go to gill and stephs as i was in spain but i prayed for them. well last year has a lot of memeries for me. some good some bad. my highlights of last year were coming to stmarys, going to spain, becoming a cell leader and making all my new friends at church. the lowlights are my nan dying and my godfathers child dying of cancer. well lets hope this year is good.......

new year, new start, new begining

well the new year was great, i did the spanish tradition of eating 12grapes!! on the charms of the clocks, and managed to eat them all in 12seconds!! i entered the new year with having tasha and hannah round and we had a laugh and walked down my road with party poppers after we had eaten our grapes!! so this is a new year. i hope to see infinity grow, not just in number but in spirital faith, with the people who already come geting to know God. i hope school will be good this year. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2oo5 xxxxxxxx