3months....

and we are in april....either before easter or straight after easter i have my spanish speaking GCSE exam. which means in 3months my GCSEs will have began...the rest aren't until 3 and a half months heading on towards 4months but how quickly they are going to come around. just had a really long chat with Tash on the phone and i was saying to her how fast the next 5months will go and how excitied i am about taking the next step in my life.

ive also desided in my heart that for the next 5months until my exams are over that i dont want a boyfriend. my exams are going to be my top priority and therefore i am going to wait until they are finished before getting in a relationship.

gosh ive posted lots tonight!!! hope everyone is having a good week....3days til the weekend!!! xxx

helpful advise....

had a really long chat with one of my friends who is now at sixth form (shes in the year above me!) she was telling me how she finds it and things like that....was really good to listen to it....as many of you know....im still not sure for definate which college i want to go to when i leave, so all the information i get is really helpful. but yeah a lot of what she was saying i havent thought of and it was great to listen and think and reflect upon what she said.

i love it when....

you havent seen or spoken to someone in ages and then you see them or you speak to them and its so great to catch up....theres lots to talk about and its so special to see or speak to them again. a few people i havent either spoken to or seen in a while and ive either seen them or spoken to them in the last week. its been great to hear whats happening in their lives and to catch up.

Trust

i find it REALLY hard trusting people....this is because ive had people break my trust so often that i now am really weary of who i tell things to and what things i tell people. i find it hard when you tell one of your closest friends something in confidence and they go and tell someone else. someone a while back told me something and its really stuck in my heart - people chat others business because they want to make themselves more popular with the person they are telling. a few times ive had it happen to me....ive told someone something thinking i can trust them and then i find out someone else knows who i havent told!! it really pisses me off to put it nicely!!!! and then people who i know i trust 110% like Tasha, i always say to her dont tell anyone this when i tell her something!! thats just how weary i am about it!!! so yeah....

A REAL BRIGHT SPARK I AM!!!!

history exam i did last week, i got an A in it. very pleased!

TAGGED!!

Tagged....I've been ''tagged'' by SOPHIE+TASHA! i have to answer the following questions...

Four jobs I have had in my life:
babysitting
saturday job - great gift store
Admiral (work experience!)
helping at holiday clubs

Four movies I could watch over and over again:
Love Actually
Lion King
Stepmom
Parent trap

Four places I have lived:
Luton
Luton
Luton
Luton

Four TV shows I love to watch:
Desperate housewives
Eastenders
Sweet16
deal or no deal (haha,only cos it on everyday when i get home from school)

Four places I have been on vacation (holiday!! haha):
Spain
Berlin
Greece
France

Four websites I visit daily (or weekly):
Blogger
MySpace
romanian relief
stmarys

Four of my favourite foods:
Chinese
indian
steak+ chips
roast duck dinner

Four singers I can't live without:
coldplay
kelly clarkson
kubb
U2

Four places I'd rather be:
Australia
Spain
anywhere hot with lovely beaches
shopping with money to spend!

Four bloggers I am tagging:
Hairy
Tom
Christine
Mareike

Why Bother?

ever had one of those days when you wonder why sometimes you bother?

its SO important

this week ive realised just how important these last few months are and how i work is going to effect my final grade. all i want is to pass all my subjects, i have set myself targets for each subject which i did at the beginning of this year. ive realised how i need to start revising now to achieve the grades in which i want. ive also made a descion in my heart - im not going to get a boyfriend until my exams are complete. if they right guy comes along il pray about it and then deside but i think the next 5/6months seriously need to be concentrated on my studies. i know i can get the grades i want, i just need to work extra hard now and thats what im going to do. work so hard so i get the grades i want and deserve.

ive also realised just how important my friends are to me, each one is so special to me and i love them all. even those who im not so close to at the minute. my friends never leave me and always support me, and i love each one of them. when ive been finding school hard - my friends have made me laugh and made the day bearable. when ive wanted to burst into tears they've done something stupid to put a smile on my face - words cant describe how much they mean to me, both school friends and out of school friends. xxxx

have a good relaxing weekend everyone xx

baby be mine

I promised Tom and Simon I would watch baby be mine on TV tonight on bbc1 at 9pm. I also told lots of my friends to watch it.

Baby be mine was so emotional and moving. It’s so upsetting to think about the thousands of children living in our world who are suffering innocently. I think this program is certainly going to touch many hearts of the people who have watched it and hopefully given people a wider understanding of what is happening in the world.

There were three different stories tonight. One couple who adopted a little girl from china. I found this story really sweet and moving to see the progress in which Kayla (not sure if that’s how you spell it) made from when she first met her adoptive parents and when they showed her at the end on her 2nd birthday. I also found it moving when the couple said they haven’t tried for kids and couldn’t have them, they haven’t tried IVF but this was their first choice – to adopt.

There was Sarah Wade’s story. About how she fostered a boy called Dylan and then found out he was going to have to be sent back to his real mum who had never met him. This story showed the sort of orphanage where Dylan lived when he was born and also his real mothers house. To see the amazing things Sarah has done with Dylan and how she loves him was so moving to watch. Sarah is truly amazing and it’s awesome to see the love and help she gives to Romanian children. It was so good to hear Sarah has won the court case and will be able to adopt Dylan sometime soon.

Finally there was a story about a couple that had two children of their own, they lived in America and adopted two more children from Russia. One of these children had a disability and the lady who adopted him spoke about how she couldn’t form a bond with him and started to get quite angry. It turned out her husband gave him a boiling hot bath, which burnt his skin, and they didn’t take him to hospital…5days later he couldn’t breath and ended up having to be rushed to hospital...sadly he died. The lady and her husband are now serving time. Was upsetting to hear her story and how it ended.

Anyone that didn’t see baby be mine but wants to – mum has recorded it, so let me know.

maybe people do notice it....

today in science a arguement kicked off between two people on my table. it wasnt a small arguement quite a big one and a lot of horrible things were said. i had two options, to join in or to sit back and say nothing and do my work...i chose the second one....this was because both the things they were saying i could see where they were both coming from. the boy said some nasty things to the girl and vice versa. but then this boy ( who i used to not get on great with, but have made a real effort and not really felt he has reconised it ) turned round and said only 4 people in this class believe i deserve to be in here ( he hangs around with the "popular crew"), so people judge him alot which is unfair. and i was one of the people he said believes he deserves to be there. i was so touched cos all i want is for him to succeseed in life....he has noticed all this time ive been making the effort and just hasnt responded that much. dont get me wrong, he talks back to me but sometimes has his days when he really winds me up. but today when he spoke out and said that, i could have cried just to know he has reconised it and does appreciate it.

last night we all said in cell we stuggle with judgement at infintiy and i felt God telling me - dont judge a book by its cover but get to know the person. and i really could see today just how much people do judge others. and how you dont realise how it effects that person. both these people in the arguement were judging each other and in the end they sorted it out.

had a really long chat with a boy in my year who is one of my best mates about why i believe in God. we've had these chats a lot of times, and i know he doesnt believe. but he has never said why just that he doesnt believe....he believes theres a God who created the universe and thats about it. so yeah...we had a really long chat and im really praying for him now as he opened up a bit.

i feel really positive about things in my life at the min...last week was crap but im allowing God to mend the broken pieces and they are getting fixed, there are things which i was hurting so much about still on saturday and now im not hurting at all....God is awesome.

speaking out....

i really feel God is speaking out to me about my life at school and how i need to really live at school completely for him. chris's talk yesterday...alans talk this morning....and tonight church was finished and i really wanted to go to the elbow room at stopsley because some of my friends from there are going to the phillipians for 4months for their gap year work epic, so i wanted to see them before they went. so me and hannah went up there, at elbow room claire spoke about identiy and our identiy and finding our identiy in Christ. i really feel God is challenging me about how i am at school and telling me i need to change my ways in some things and really live fully for him not just at home or church or where ever i am but in school aswell. im happy to tell anyone i meet that im a christian and share my faith, yes my friends know i go to church and im a christian but i need to apply that more and tell them what that means me being a christian because they are the people who really need telling as are around me all the time and i dont tell them enough.

so yeah i really am feeling God is speaking to me about that. i had a good chat with claire after elbow room aswell so that was cool :+)

well thought id share that....please pray God continues to speak to me about what i need to be doing in school and how i can make a difference.

sense of peace

i have woken up this morning with a real sense of peace about a situation happening in my life. God has really worked in this and i really know Gods hand is there at the centre. im not hurting any more about it, im not stressed about it and im not annoyed about it. in actual fact im really relaxed about it and quite pleased with the outcome. so yeah....God really has worked this week for me in many ways. but this is the biggest way. and im so glad theres such a sense of peace now and happiness.

alans sermon this morning made me think about the way im living my life and its all well and good saying your a christian and reading the bible but you need to apply it in your everyday life and be a disciple. i think God is talking to me about this....on friday me and a couple of boys in my drama class were talking about God and our beliefs and we were all saying how we need to live our life every day for Christ and how it can be hard in school to do that when surrounded by so many non christians. i try to do this but sometimes i dont succeseed. and Chris spoke last night about it as well. so i think Gods telling me to live my life even more for him in everything which i do, say, think etc, so ive desided im going to take the stand and do it. there will be days which are hard but ive just got to keep going and not wish the time away when im at school(someone who im good friends with reminded me of that yesterday) so thats what im going to do. there will be tough days when i want to give up, but i know with Christs help i can do it.

God really did show me last night just how powerful he is and how he can sort our anything, we just need to give it time and wait...this morning in the prayers at church.....the lady praying used a really good example....when her boys toys brake they put them in a box and say dad will fix it and they dont care when as they know that they will be fixed and trust their dad to do that. we need to trust God to fix our problems and allow time for that to be done. i think there are things in my life that i need to be fixed and i need to allow God to do that and wait and be patient and give God the time to sort the broken pieces out.

well thats me done. so have a good week! x x x

big weight lifted....

well tonight i went to a prayer meeting at stopsley baptist for the youth of luton. was really good. im really pleased i went. after how the last couple of weeks have been i think i needed to be there. God was definatly there working. great night and great to have a lot of the youth christians across luton all meeting together. was great to see so many people im friends with who i havent seen for a while. chris spoke really well and was really challenging about what we need to do to make a stand for Christ and show we believe and are christians. i think i need to show this more in school - i hate school but the last few months left i could make such a difference to someone or some peoples lives. i really felt i need to be in the sermon tomorrow morning at church and not be doing encounter - alan west is preaching on being a disciple and i really felt i needed to be there listening to that tomorrow. also we were singing "be my everything" a song which God really put on my heart a while back and were told not to stand til we ment it, i all of a sudden really felt God and felt God tell me i needed to say sorry to someone and actually mean it, not just say sorry and not mean it, i needed to mean it from my heart to sort this situation out. i needed to go to this person and be the one to say sorry. i knew i needed to go and do this and it was quite hard to do but im glad i did it and hope that person knows i ment it....

Hurting and Confused.....

ever had a week and you haven't thought it could get much worse? cos that has just happened to me..... this week has been rubbish and has just ended really really badly. i am hurting loads and am really confused.

nothing special

went to the barnfield open evening.....looks good.....still praying though about where i should be. and would appreacite if you all pray aswell...im applying at a few colleges as im not sure which one i want to be at and am trusting God to place me in the right one.

after me and mum went to asda and i had a lady say hello to me. i was thinking to myself who is this as the lady started chatting to me, then i realised it was the lady i showed round school when the year6s were looking around. shes met me once and still rememberd me, i was really touched. was nice seeing her, shes a christian and i had quite a long chat with her tonight.

weeks been ok....nothing special, but its been ok i guess. a couple of things could be a bit better but nevermind.....

this year

the last few days ive thought a lot about 2005 and what a good year it was for me. so there were some downs but all in all it was a great year and i really enjoyed it. i was looking back over pictures from last year and i think to now and how so much has changed in such a short time. i really miss some of the old days. i miss the times when me and 4other people were always hanging out and having such a laugh and we havent done that in about 4months. we've all been together but not just the 5 of us. i miss them days loads. every weekend we would be together chilling out and looking back at the pictures i remember just how good those days were and how when they were happening we all took it for granted.

i think back to the downs of last year and how although i couldnt see a way out when they were happening there was a way out and i just had to keep going and be strong. God wouldnt put me in any situation i couldnt get out of. and that was something mum reminded me of when things got really tough last year with a few different things. and it has really stuck with me.

i think back to the times were i made new amazing friends, who i love to bits and are all so special to me. and great people. who im glad have come into my life. they are all so great and each one special in their own way.

so what am i getting at.....well last year holds a lot of great memories and although sometimes there were downs i still managed to get through it. i guess this year i want it to be even better than last year but there are a few changes which i need to make.....

for example i always put others before myself because that is the kind of person i am but i think this year sometimes i need to have some "me" time where i can be on my own and put myself first so that i can reflect upon things which are happening. that doesnt mean im not going to be there for people....because i ALWAYS am but i just think sometimes i need some time for me aswell.

i think i need to continue making an effort in a certain situation from last year which has started to improve a great deal. i need to continue showing love in that situation and continue to be graceful and love the person even though a lot of hurt has been involved because we are taught to forgive and my heart has soften a great deal the past month for the anger i had for this situation and that has changed my attitude and outlook with the situation.

i need to continue to be honest with people. if they hurt me i need to tell them and speak to them about it so that it can be sorted out. i am quite a honest person when someone winds me up i usually will let them know about it and talk to them about it so that it gets sorted.

so yeah this year to sum it up....i am just going to enjoy the year and think positivly about it. when times get tough i will look at the pictures from last year and the happy memories and think about how this year can be like that. i truly believe this year is going to be a great year and that lots of important things are going to happen.....

Yet Again....

im ill!! am pretty annoyed cos i get ill quite a lot! i have had a pain in my neck for the last few days but not thought anything of it, but yesterday when me and tash went mcdonalds before church i said to her that my neck was really hurting. well to cut a long story short - i didnt sleep much last night because my neck and back were really hurting me and this morning i woke up still in quite a bit of pain. so i told mum and she told me to rest today. so its now 2pm and ive just gotten up. i think because i joined the gym yesterday that agrevated it.

its annoying i keep getting ill. this is the second time in 2weeks that im ill! that is crazy! and yeah so i hate school but i still know its important for me to be there and for me to be working hard and trying my best so that i can get the grades i want. argh well...il be back tomorrow so its ok.

i am....

going to admit when i am struggling and need help this week. that is what i set myself to do at church. so yeah...lets start right now shall we.....i HATE school at the minute and i know hate is a strong word. people seem so fake and that they are putting on a act depending upon who they are with. and people are also been very bitchy and telling me who they hate and two mins later i see them with that person acting like they are best friends. when i tell them to tell the person how they feel they just snap at me. it has really gotten to me. so yeah right now that is what im finding hard and it really has gotten to me.

ive been so crap this week at being in contact with people. i just havent bothered to text or ring to see how people are doing. its not cause i havent had the time because i have, its just because i havent bothered. i feel at the minute that im not showing people the love they deserve and to everyone reading this if you feel ive been a bit off with you - i am sorry - its nothing you have done - its just the way im feeling at the minute.

Jude said something tonight when preaching - when we get asked how we are, we often answer with "im fine thanks" when we arent. and that really hit home. i feel that i do that sometimes because i prefer not to talk about what is wrong and think its easier to just respond that way.

lots for me to reflect upon.......

bored...

i am really bored right this minute so thought id write a blog. new years eve was good - spent the night at tashas. me and hannah went over and we had a good night - quite a lot to drink and we took lots of pictures but it was a fun night.

this morning i woke up at 9-40 but i still made it to church!! had a few people tell me i couldnt walk in a straight line - thanks guys! the service was short but was good. andy and rosemary were the band for today and sarah did the sermon. the sermon was really good. i think the work sarah and emma do is amazing and its so amazing the heart they both have to do the work in which they do in romania. both awesome women of God. church was finished by 11 so i was home by 11-30.

today i had a family meal - had a lot of them the last week but they've been ok, not as boring as they sometimes can be! and then this afternoon ive watched tv and had a bit of a sleep cos i didnt get much sleep last night.

tonight ive filled in important dates on my calender and thats it! thats how bored i am!! worked out i have 100 school days left and then im outta there. really scary thought but a nice thought. it will go so quick aswell cos ive got loads happening between now and then. two days of the holiday left til im back at school. not really looking forward to going back but the sooner im back, the sooner i finish! my food coursework is due in 5weeks! that is a SCARY thought!

still trying to deside about college....i know i want to go to college but not sure which one, so am going to apply at a few and then deside from there. im really just praying about it now, that the college i deside to go to will be the right one and im trusting God to give me guidence in that.

well this blog is probably very boring to read but im well bored!

hope you enjoyed my first blog of 2006! x x x