and i was right about it all crashing down...

sunday evening i felt awful, id done the talk at encounter(11-14yr olds) in the morning, which i thought went really well and then in the afternoon id been out with the amazing miss macfie :) then i got to church and had loasda things playing on my mind, i sat on my own, cos no1 was really there my age, and i sat at the front still, and it was good, it gave me a time to listen and think, when the service finished all i wanted to do was cry but i didnt and got to elbow room. the worship started and the song "i can only imagine" was being sung, i sat down and was just thinking about everything, cos thats the song which i listened to when my nan died two years ago, so its a song pretty close to my heart, hannah come and said to me lets go outside, and i just completely broke, but i managed to calm myself down and stop crying and went back in to listen to the talk Mark was doing. the talk really hit a nerve for me, it was about holes we have in our heart which still need to be filled, and arguements came to my mind straight away because of things when i was younger. we were then watching a powerpoint and i could feel my eyes watering again, then everyone got up to sing and i stayed sitting and again i broke, this time i couldnt stop crying and just sat there crying and crying, i felt really drained after it, but i felt better after i had cried. i got home and just spoke to someone about something and really told him about why i hate arguments and really opened up to him about it.

yesterday at infinity Lyns did the talk, and it was all about guidence, there were a few things she said which i really felt were speaking out to me, about not rushing into things, and taking our time, and even if we chose the wrong door, we will still get to where God wants us to be.

but yeah - im still not feeling great but feel better now ive had a good cry and just been able to start speaking to people about how im feeling instead of holding it all in and not talking about it and letting it get me down even more.