its amazing how....

somebody or a group people can have such an effect on you. one of my friends at school is feeling so down, we walked home together and walked to school together today and were talking about how she is feeling, shes written the girl involved a letter to tell her how she feels and how shes feeling treated by her and her friends. she let me read it, i could have cried, to read how she feels, theres so much she has bottled up and i just feel so sorry for my friend, watching her at school, shes not herself, and the teachers had noticed it too. we've all told her the people involved arent worth it, we leave so soon and for her to just enjoy the last couple of months. ive chatted to her lots about how shes feeling and have invited her bowling with infinity tomorrow night, she said shes allowed to come so hope she does =] told her after school il be praying for her, shes not a christian but she smiled and said thanks.

but watching how shes feeling and thinking back to when i was feeling down a few weeks ago its amazing just the effect those closest to you have on you. guess its cos you spend lots of time together and they are the people you tell things to etc etc.

school finishes tomorrow for 2weeks. im so looking forward to having the break, i know im gonna be revising each day for a couple of hours but im looking forward to being away from everyone! thats sounds pretty harsh i know but i feel everyone needs their own space. its the same every end of term or half term, people get annoyed at each other and they want the break. everyones tired and things are sometimes said which arent meant!!

ive had a thumping headache since monday, its weird though - i only ever get it from lunch time til about 4.30/5 and then it goes.

hope everyones alright. x x x

sleepy!

i am actually shattered tonight!! have no clue why either!!! think its cause the end of term is getting so close. had a interview with my head of year and headteacher today to discuss how things are going at school - was a follow up from the last interview with them. they both said im on track and they think il do really well in GCSEs. so that was nice to hear. had our last prayer meeting of this term and one of the teachers who comes to it is leaving on friday - will miss her, i always chat to her after our meetings about school in gerneral as she is really easy to chat to and when i went she said gill your gonna do great in your exams and i will be praying for you. was really touched. awah!!! - im chatting to my friend on msn and as her pe practical gcse exam didnt go to well for her today and she just asked me to pray for her. bless. another one of the girls i was chatting with who i hang around with prayed last week when i was with her and asked me to pray for her. its so encouraging that the girls i hang around with are really seeing God in me and asking me to pray for them. i got my exam timetable today....its quite scary how soon they are....5weeks and they start, two weeks of that is holiday! eek!! so yeah that was my day!!

the awkward silence

dont you hate it when that happens!! there is a girl in my year who ive been good friends with since infant school but lately we havent really been chatting much, since highschool we have hang around with different friendship groups and we used to chill out on weekends or after school. but lately we havent really spoke much. its weird....i guess its cos neither of us have made the effort, we are working together in our drama gcse exam but when we arent doing that we arent really chatting except the odd hello here and there if we see each other. shes changed big time as have i. but its so awkward when we have the silence!!! lol.

nap time

i am SOOOO tired today!!! all weekend ive had lots of energy and been wide awake but this morning as i woke up i wasnt that tired but wanted to stay in bed!!! as the day has gone on at school, ive felt more and more tired!!! think il be having a early night!!

selfishness....

stop, take a minute, look around. think about the things you've got and then think about things others have. so often we complain. we have food, but complain we want something different, we have a roof other our heads. ive been thinking a lot lately. i complain so often about such stupid things. i have a family who loves me, i have a roof over my head, i have food to eat, i have an education and the list continues....

i take it all for granted. i think of people who live on the streets or have no family to love them. or who have a family member ill. i complain when i argue with my family but what would i do if something happened to one of them. i take them for granted, i take all i have for granted. i need to stop being selfish and appreciate all that i have.

when i did the famine last year i appreciated so much more the food i had on my table. as easter approches im thinking of doing a famine again, for myself, so i apprecaite the food i have. ive complained about not being able to eat crisps and fizzy drinks but they are a luxerey that i have.

so this blog is really to say appreciate what you have...yesterday i was bit fedup as i had had an arguement with my dad and brother and was sitting in my room thinking about things, and im going to leave you with the thought id have....

you dont realise what you have, until it is taken away from you....

low but not no more....

lately ive had a lot on my mind, ive felt quite fed up and down about a situation going on in my life, ive been doubting and thinking what if this happened or that happened, or if id said this or said that.... these words from a song i was listening to the other day sum up how i had been feeling.....

Everybody’s talking
But they don’t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don’t want the sympathy
Its cool you didn’t want me
Sometimes you can’t go back
But why’d you have to go and make a mess like that
Well I just have to say
Before I let go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low

No I don’t need your number
There’s nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting
I’ve gotta go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low

those are the words that made me think and reflect...there are more words to that song but those are the ones which made me think...

then tonight at church i was praying....praying about how ive been feeling lately, praying God would reveal to me what was happening in that situation. im not going into any detail about the situation, but i prayed and prayed tonight that God would show me in the next week something that is happening so my heart could be put at rest. after about 2minutes of finishing praying, the prayer was answered....

God is awesome and has given me a real peace now in my heart about the situation and i know what im doing is right.

long time no say...

so i havent blogged for a few days!! things are pretty much the same. got into both the colleges i applied for some an chuffed with that. nothing very exciting has really happened. friday was quite eventful at lunch with one of my friends splitting up with her boyfriend and then his group of friends and my group of friends having a massive row. a few of us just sat there not knowing what to do or say. so was an eventful lunch with lots of pretty nasty comments said to and from people. i just sat there and in the end took myself away from it. me and naomi have given ourself a moto....

the naomi and briggsy moto - i want a man not a boy who thinks he can!!

its a bit of a joke we have but it made me laugh when she thought of it.

yesterday me and mum spent the day together shopping. was really nice. i love spending time with my mum and we have got so much closer lately as time has gone on. its so nice now, we used to argue lots but we dont anymore and thats really special.

encounter was good this morning, me and jason did the cell together and were talking about actions that show we are a follower of Christ and how its easy to speak about it but do our lives reflect what we say. was intresting to listen to what the others had to say.

so thats been my week pretty much. nothing very exciting. but we break up for easter on friday! waheeey

bus drivers - you've gotta love em!!!!

the last four occassions ive travelled to town from my house, ive been charged three different prices...now hang on a minute....isnt there a set price you are meant to be charged?! the first time i was charged 50p because i had my connexions card i was charged half fair, that i was fine with!! the second time £1...hmmm....full fair still not too bad. but wait, yesterday i was charged £1.40?! thats 90p difference from last week!!! and then today i was charged £1 again....each time its been a different bus driver....but i said to the man today that i was charged £1.40 yesterday and he said that it should be £1 at the max and with my student connexions card thing 50p!! so i was riped off yesterday!!! yeah i sound like a cheap skate!! but i dont care!!! i need my money and every lil penny makes a difference!!! wonder what il be charged next time i deside to use the bus to go to town.....

ive missed them.....

a few boys in my year i used to be really close to, they were my best mates but then we drifted quite a lot but lately we've started chatting again and that friendship has started to rebuild. i walked home with one of them tonight and although he was being lovely and annoying for a while he soon became nice and me and him have had lots of chats on msn lately! and then just now ive been chatting to one of them on msn, and he goes luv you xx he hasnt said that for a while!!! before you start thinking, let me make it clear I DO NOT FANCY ANY OF THEM! im saying that cos im fed up of people asuming i fancy every boy i speak to! they are just really good mates. and ive missed spending time with them. i think God is really showing me at the minute people i need to make effort with again so we stay in touch when we leave, cos me and these guys used to chill out loads and havent for about 18months so im just gonna pray now and see if its right for us to start chilling out again and if so that it will happen.

theres just no point....

all i want is to be your friend
for things to be how they were before
but it feels like theres just no point
what ever i do or say
you dont wanna no, u dont seem to care
im sorry if ive hurt you
but you've hurt me too
i dont know what ive done wrong
but i wanna know
maybe if i knew i could change it
maybe i could try and fix it
but until you tell me what do you want me to do?
i make the effort i try and be friends
but it doesnt seem to make any difference
theres still a reason to argue
still a reason to disagree
im sorry
maybe one day we'l sort things out
maybe one day things will be how they once were
but until that day
if theres any thing i can do or say
please tell me.....

Hmmm....

times of need are the times they say you most need your friends. and i guess thats the time when you find out who your real friends are....thats something that was said to me last week. but its true. when things are crappy all you want is your mates to be there, to be there beside you and to make you laugh and carry you along. as a lot of people know....ive felt quite down lately. one thing after another and its all built up and got on top of me....still kinda feels like thats happening, but im not gonna go in to detail. but tonight at elbow room, we were singing and i just fell to my knees bowing down in praise....

il pour out my heart to say that i love you
pour out my heart to say that i need you
pour out my heart to say that im thankful
pour our my heart to say that your wonderful.....

i NEED God right now, this is a time when i can praise for all the good things that have happened but when i also need to stop and ask for help. ever had the feeling that someones annoyed at you but you dont actually know what you've done wrong?? cos im feeling like that with a few people at the minute and id really like to know what it is that ive done wrong....

i havent give this blog a title, cos i dont really know what to title it as....thats why ive called it hmm cos thats what im thinking at the minute, lots of thoughts and questions running through my head....and im wondering will they get answered....

so lets just wait and see shall we....

one down...one to go

had my first interview, it went really well. the lady who interviewed me was really nice and gave me some helpful information. think they gonna offer me a place as when i went she said to me look forward to seeing you in september. my other interview is next wednesday. ooo thats the biggy! i really wanna go there.

me and mum went shopping after my interview which was fun. i got loadsa nice things which was really nice of her to buy me and it was fun just for us to chill out. both of us are so tired at the min and i enjoyed spending some quality time together.

hannah - glad your having fun in florence.

have a good weekend everyone xxx and happy st paddys day! xxx

wheres the time going?

is it just me or does time seem to be going extremely fast?! i cant believe the weekend is almost here already, its crazy!!! so much to do and such little time to do it now!!! ahh dear!!!

anyway i have college interviews now, got the dates for them, one is tomorrow and the other is next week, i want to go to the college where i have the interview next week, so hopefully it'l all go well. ive just been preparing for the interviews. finding out things i need to know and printing things off to put in my progress file!!!

i was writing a good post but i cant remember what i was writing about as i had to save this as a draft as my bro needed the computer and then i started doing other things that i had to do and i have forgotten what i was gonna blog about!!!!!

todays been ok. the weeks not been anything special. im amazed how fast the time goes by at the minute!! its quite scary. well this post is quite boring!!! hope everyone is ok. xxxxx

last holiday

went to the cinema tonight with tash(thanks for treating me honey), havent been to the cinema in a while, i love going to the cinema and have missed not going but i havent had the time nor money to be able to go. we were gonna see date movie but it started to late so we went and saw last holiday insted.

it was a really good film, about a christian woman who was told she was gonna die in the space of 3weeks due to tumors showing up on a brain scan. she therefore did lots of things she wouldnt have done in her life, she spent her money and didnt hold on to it, she made the most of what she had and lived life to the full. to cut a long story short, it turned out the machine was broken which did her scan and she wasnt gonna die after all but she had learnt from it not to hold on and to make the most of her life and what she had.and making posibilites become realities.

i really enjoyed it!!! theres quite a few films coming out soon that i wanna see, so guess i better start saving or find someone who has the orange wednesday thing. actually....my mum,dad and one of my bros have phones on orange, maybe i should use their phones!!!

regrets and mistakes....

so you know when you say or do something wrong and you regret it? you have a discussion with someone and you dont keep your mouth shut cos you know what they are saying isnt completely right? you lose the friendship you used to have due to arguements but you still love them, you still wanna be mates with them but you just dont know what they expect you to do or what they want you to say.

we all make mistakes, we all do things we regret, but im not angry at the person, there has been a lot of hurt caused and sadness but it doesnt mean i dont love them. i still love them. i still wanna be mates with them. i just hope they know i am sorry if ive hurt them, and if they are reading this.....then im sorry. and i hope one day things will be sorted.....

the small things mean a lot....

one of the girls i hang around with today was so lovely, 3 of them went off with the boys and i stayed with this girl and we just sat chatting.....chatting about everything. i was telling her about the weekend away and how it has made me think a lot and what i got out of it, i was telling her why i believe in some of the things i do, what ive been learning about at infinity and how its effected my outlook on things especially school and the judging and bitching side of things. we had a really long chat....

but why did it mean so much.....because she had the choice, follow the others and go with the boys or sit and chat and just chill out. the fact the chose to chill out meant a lot to me.....

weekend away....

it was really good.....i got a lot out of it. we talked about building up community and fellowship with one another and those around us. there were teachings on these things and the teaching ended with andy challenging us = are we going to tell our friends and family what we did this weekend and what we learnt, are we going to invite them along to encounter/infinity/osmosis or will we just forget and move on and not learnt from our teachings. it was fun getting to know people and just have a laugh with one another. lynsey did a talk about fellowship and gave each of us two words - before she gave the paper out with the words on it she prayed God would give us the right two words we needed to work on....my words were honesty and identity.....the honesty part i definatly knew why it was for me and what i needed to do....it meant lots of tears were invovled for me over the course of the weekend but i feel so much better in myself now that i was honest and spoke with people about what ive been struggling with - friendships. the identity part im praying God shows me what its about. so yeah a great weekend and i am very tired with having about 8hours sleep in the space of 48hours!! so tonight is going to be taken up with sleeping i think!!!!! thanks to all the leaders for putting on a great weekend :+)

animal cruelty....

We have been doing about animal cruelty in re….each week for the past 2weeks we have spoke briefly about it and then watched a video…each week the video we watch is more graphical and is horrible to watch…last weeks video wasn’t to bad. We saw a pig have its throat slit and we saw a rabbit have experiments done on it ( the rabbit bothered me more than the pig probably because I have rabbits) today though the video really struck me….we watched about how the animals are treated because secret filming was done, the animals are hit, kicked and treated awfully. Chickens are stuffed into draws and driven away for their killing. The video really wasn’t to nice, but it was biased our teacher said(who’s a vegetarian) as its trying to put you off meat….

We are going to be watching a video on how dogs are treated next week I think, im not looking forward to it, apparently lots of people walk out or sit there in tears. From having a dog myself I cant imagine what sick people out there do to animals….and watching the video shows some of the things which happen….for example apparently this dog gets beaten up for not doing as the man wants.

People I know who have already seen this dog video said its sickening and quite disturbing to watch. So guess will wait and see next re lesson.

Also learnt today organic and free range meat products are not much better….organic has less chemicals but conditions they live in still awful and free range foods means they have slightly more room to move but still not much….
From being a meat eater made me think a lot. Im not going to become a vegetarian but it just made me think about what it was saying on the video and also it said about how many cows, sheep ,pigs, chickens, turkeys, fish etc we eat in our life time!! Quite a shocking number for each but I cant remember of the top of my head the numbers.

alpha....

lasted about 20mins today but was SO good. we watched a dvd some guy has made on christianity, it was mainly about forgiveness....about how we need to forgive others...sometimes that means forgiving but not forgetting and sometimes we cant face seeing them anymore, but still in our hearts we need to forgive them....the dvd was getting to the point that what if you dont forgive someone and its to late for either you or them and one of you dies for example. then what? we need to forgive those who have hurt us today and let them know they are forgiven,it may take a while but start today was the message of the dvd....

so yeah i found it hitting home, especially with friendship situations at the minute....and my friend who comes to alpha with me said to me after that it reminded her of my situations!! so i think Gods telling me to do some serious thinking and forgiving.....

so claire told us to go away after watching the dvd and think about it for next week where we gonna watch it again and talk about it.....am really looking forward to the session next thursday. think this session is really gonna speak out to me and be useful....so watch this space......

early night!

had my early night last night, went to bed just after 9, i was shattered!!! and im still quite tired now even after sleeping for ages!!! had about 9 and half hours sleep in total! think its probs cos i dont go to bed early normally, it made me more tired as i was out of my rountine!!!

theres no way of hiding.....

people can look at you and think your fine, unless they know you well and can tell from how your acting that your not ok, as far as they know your simply ok and nothing is wrong and everything is happy dappy!! well....at infinity when we were praying, we looked into the window at our reflections and i felt God remind me, that people can look at you and all they get is what is on the outside, for example if your smiling, then they think things are fine...but not with God, no, there is simply no hiding, "you search much deeper within, through the way things appear - your looking into my heart" are the words ive just been reminded of whilst listening to matt redman - heart of worship. i think God is really trying to remind me and tell me to be honest with those around me, to tell people how i really feel. i cant hide it from God and i think God is telling me to stop hiding from those around, how i really feel.

done....

exam done and finished....first one was ok, second easier, last one quite hard!! ahh well they are finished. next time i have a science exam will be my resits...hmm....not looking forward to that!!!

for Hairs!

well hairy commented on my last post that i havent posted for two days and he wanted me too! so there you go hairs, im blogging!!!

not much has happened since i last blogged. infinity was good last night, i felt challenged by what was said, like how much time i spend talking to God and how much time is spent listening and am i always talking or sometimes is it babble. also felt challenged about telling people how i am feeling, so if i feel like crap tell people, insted of saying im fine when i get asked and just smiling like everything is ok.

schools been ok, nothing special. prayer meeting was good today though, one of our teachers was saying about a program she had watched on christian teaching and learnt from it that if you think negitivly at the begining of your day then that will reflect upon your day, she was saying about taking time in the morning to thank God for things and just to think positive - very true.

tomorrow got GCSE science exam, hmm....but we did practice ones today and i was getting B's and C's so hopefully i will in the exams tomorrow - got 3 of them and science is a weak point for me even though im in top set - so prayers appecitated for that guys :+)

so yeah thats my week so far, not very exciting really!! and its only tuesday and im quite tired!! so think tonight will be a earlyish night!! hope everyone is having a great week x

honesty

tonight i had prayer at church with lyns and liz about how im feeling at the minute and after went and chilled out with tasha,alan and george. you know, lately ive felt down, bit left out from a few things, and ive really missed seeing some of my friends who i havent seen for different reasons. i had a very honest chat with someone tonight, not gonna say who its up to them if they wanna let people know....but i felt better, there were things i needed to say and im pleased i have, i still am feeling down about it but im pleased ive addressed it and spoke about it. i think now things can get sorted.

something mum said to me this afternoon was how i always think about others and worry about others and dont think about myself....

well yeah, il be honest right now, im feeling down, but hey, it'll get sorted eventually. and im just gonna try and be positive.

pentecost praise 2005....

last night i listened to Alan West's talk that he did at our church last year for petecost praise. i was thinking about what he was saying again and something which really made me think was when he said about how money and trophies arent important when your ill and that the three Fs are....

Family
Friends
Faith

that is so true. i think about my life and without those three things life its self would be quite rubbish. my family are there to support me and im there to support them, good or bad, we are there to support each other. my friends are the family i chose for myself, a friend said that to me a few years ago and its really stuck in my heart. and last but not least faith, without God life would be rubbish, i have a purpose to live and to live a christ like life. yeah ok so i mess up sometimes and by no means am i perfect but God forgives me and in times of trouble is my rock and carries me along. and in good times walks beside me...footprints comes to mind....

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why
when I needed you most you would leave me.

"The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

i guess at the minute i feel God is carrying me. there are a few things im starting to struggle with. my dad being unwell, is making me quite stressed and adding a lot of pressure upon me and i havent seen some of my friends for a while and i really miss them. and i just feel God is carrying me along and i know in my heart God never leaves me and because i have a relationship with God i know and can truthly say i know God is ALWAYS there.

but getting back to the point....listening to Alans talk again last night really spoke out to me. he spoke about Daniel3 and God speaking out to him, and last year at our weekend away we studied Daniel. i just felt God speaking out to me through listening to the talk again....

mercy....

was the topic at church this morning. there were 3 baptisms of 3babies and then Andy rang Sarah Wade. the first time it didnt work - Sarah couldnt hear us but then Andy rang again and it worked!! Sarah was giving us all an update about what is happening in Romania as well as telling us it was cold and snowing!! Andy asked Sarah if its easy for her to love the kids with the siutations they are in, it touched my heart when Sarah said she still finds it easy to love the kids in the orphanges even though they are in such bad conditions. i think id find it hard to love the kids and i think there could be times when it would be easy to just give up. but with Sarah to keep going i think its amazing. so church was good this morning. Greg was down too so it was good to catch up with him, we had a really long chat which was really nice :+)

this afternoon is going to be taken up with revision and then im meeting Jess before we go to church tonight which shall be cool. it'l be good to catch up. yesterday i went out with hannah and meet up with sim and chris for a while before meeting karen and co - was great seeing you karen :+)

hope everyone has had a great weekend xxx

osmosis

was really good tonight. its our 11-18 once a month get together for the two youth groups at church. tonight we focused upon our senses - touch,sight,hearing,smelling and tasting. there were 5zones each one was represented one of the senses. i really enjoyed going out reading the bible verses and what we had to do at each zone and got a lot out of it. my favourite zone was the hearing one - there was a worship cd playing and you had to sit on the beanbags and shut your eyes and relax and pray to God. ive felt a bit stressed at the minute and i felt really relaxed after. so i really enjoyed osmosis tonight. and me and hannah did the tuck shop!!

me and hannah chilled out after school and then went to osmosis together which was cool, we walked around town and then went to pizzahut and bumped into tom on the way! so was cool just catching up with hannah and chatting.

school was a bit stressful, starting to get worried about how quick our exams are coming round!! i confronted a few people today i felt i needed to sort things out with. the girls i hang around with have annoyed me in a few different ways(not gonna go in to details) and i felt i needed to address the problems with them, and they hadnt realised they'd upset me! so was worth chatting to them about what was wrong.

weekend again, not sure what im gonna do, gonna see karen tomorrow at some point which will be really nice to catch up and apart from that im not to sure what im doing yet, think might be going out with hannah. and sunday church! oh yeah and i cant forget im gonna be revising - got my spanish speaking mock in two weeks!! and my GCSE science exam wednesday!

my dad keeps making me laugh, everyday he asks why im typing so much and what im doing so i told him about my blog and each day he goes "you blogging again!" makes me smile, its sweet hes showing an intrest. im really close to my mum and dad now, i love them both so much and really do apprecaite all they do for me.

well guys have a good weekend!! xxxxx

self control.....

tonight whilst babysitting i was thinking about lent. and how through the next 40days and 40night we will say how hard it is to get by with the things we've given up and how we miss them, but then i started to think deeper, its all about self control, i think back to the famine we did last year, 24hours with no food, we got by fine, and i think how that made me think how i take food for granted and how im still doing that now. come on guys, think about it, crisps,chocolate,cakes,takeaways etc - they are all a luxery - some people have nothing, they find it hard to get the basics together for a meal a day, we have the luck of going to a cuboard and getting out whatever we want. and then we are complaning as we've given something up for lent. well ive desided.....im not going to complain, im gonna get on with it, im going to apprecaite the fact i have food infront of me. and think more about those who have nothing.....

feeling better

i woke up this morning still feeling like crap but knew i needed to get up and be in school. i have a science exam next week (GCSE) and drama exam is in 2months and the rest of the exams start there abouts aswel! so i knew how important it is for me to be in school. i prayed God would heal me and protect me from any other bugs. i came downstairs feeling quite rough and burst into tears, went back to bed and wasnt gonna go in but as it got to 8-10 i felt i needed to get up and try and go in and come home if i felt worse. so i got up at 8-15 and left at 8-20!! was a bit of a rush but im pleased i went in....im feeling better now, feeling healed. the guys told me they prayed for me at prayer meeting yesterday. so yeah im feeling alright now. i think now i just need to take things steady for a few days. thanks for praying guys x