feelings
church last night was good. Jude did her talk about boiler rooms and how God has led her to this. i listened to her talk but not a 100% because i have so much on my mind at the mintue that i was just praying in my head to my Father about it telling him how im feeling. then our responce after she finished speaking was to step up to the cross or step to the side. i went to the loo before responding and came back and was singing and then i felt i needed to go and kneel down at the front so i did, and i just poured my heart out to the Lord about everything which is on my mind at the moment. i really could feel the Holy Spirit and felt shakey. i then after chatting with God went back to my seat to worship some more. i felt really down when i went back to sit down and talked to tasha and her mum about how im feeling. then i asked charlie to pray for me and had a chat with rob. right now im feeling still upset, but i no God is there, i know he loves me and i know i have to trust him completely. and i know things will get better. the main problem is things at home again. and at the moment i havent got the patience to deal with it. but i just have to trust in the Lord.im looking forward to tomorrow evening though, as infinity wasnt on tonight a group of us from infinity are going to the cinema. this should be cool. however i aint looking forward to wednesday, i have my science exams for the modular science, i really havent learnt much in science over the last few weeks, so ive just got to do my best and stay relaxed, i think deep down i have learnt it but i just keep thinking i havent as this happened before when i had the other exams and i did well. then next monday all my year10 mocks start. you know what im going to be completely honest im dreding the next 2 and a bit weeks. i cant wait until the exams are over and i cant wait until the holiday. from been ill the last holiday it really doesnt feel like i have had a rest and i think thats making me stressed. however im so pleased i went and kneeled down and told God everything last night, it helped to tell him how i am feeling and why i feel like it. i know he loves me and i know whatever happens will be in his Will. now i just have to stay calm and relaxed and do me best to deal with things insted of getting snappy. i also have all my friends around me listening to me and hannah listened to me for ages tonight going on and on but i needed to get it off my chest. so thankyou to everyone who has listened. 'im lost in wonder, im lost in love, im lost in praise for evermore, because of Jesus unfailing love, i am forgiven, i am restorte.'over the last 3days since the famine i have sung this so much, and it is so true. i really dont no what i would do without Jesus. he is truely my best friend. he knows absoletely everything. i think aswell im feeling upset and come march tomorrow it will nearly be a year since my God dads child died of cancer. and at the end of april its a year since my nan died. the time has gone so quickly and i miss them both so much. father, i want to thank you for never leaving me. for always been there looking after me. Lord you know right now how im feeling with things at home and the worrys i have about some of my friends and the worrys i have about the exams. Lord i pray you will help for me to have more patience and i pray Lord in thanks for all my friends. that they are always there and always willing to listen to me even when its about the same thing sometimes. Lord i really pray you would bless all of my friends and help for them to know how grateful i am for them. Lord i just pray that the next 3weeks would go well and then when the holiday comes, i can relax. i pray that me,dan,steve,tasha and hannah would be able to deside what we are going to do for our Holy Space. Father, thank you for loving me unconditionally. i love you with all of my heart. amen xxxx
famine
well i managed to complete the 24hour famine, the hungar really kicked in at about 6ish. the 24hrs has taught me a lot, how i take things for granted. from now on im going to try and stop complaning when i am hungary and stop and think about others without food. i had a good time doing the famine, me,adam,rob,tasha and hannah with our trip to town, my pingpong games and at church when we were watching the film and me falling alseep straight away and then waking up getting a drink and going back to sleep, i had 2hrs sleep at church, so took my mind off food, then for the last hour of not been able to eat, i went and had a chat with daniel and charlie and i added up the money we raised - £1800, well done to everyone :+) one thing which will always stick with me from the famine is about the girl whos grandad raped her and when she was on her period he made her sleep in the chickenhouses. this was awful, and really touched me. a lot of things touched me but that was one of the main things. i also had a lump build up in my throat when we had to go round the circle and say something we have learnt and one of the tgi's - Aaron, said about how they made clothes like gap and got no money and he couldnt believe how they were treated like they were dirt. it really touched me to see how it had touched him so much. so the famine is over and our food was great after, we had so much spare though!! but well done everyone who took part in the famine, love you all xxx
famine update
the famine has started. tonight was good, went to nandos with tasha and hannah before the famine and we filled ourselfs up. found out we can still eat chewing gum. which i did and it made me even more hungary. the night was awesome though, people i didnt think would do the famine are. charlies talk was good and challenging 'are we prejudist against certain people' 'do we sometimes cross the road insted of helping others' 'do we love ourselfs' it was good. i got to play my games of pingpong aswell and get to play again tomorrow :+) watching the videos on why we were doing the famine were so moving and i had a help build up in my throat. well no more food until 7-30pm tomorrow night, update soon xxx
the famine
the 24hr famine starts tomorrow at 7-30pm. i have managed to get a lot of sponsers. looking forward to the famine, well i am and im not. i always think about my tummy and always get hungary so it is going to be a challenge but i am determind to do it. i will write more tomorrow and saturday when the famine begins!
coursework
im in a good mood due to yesterday, i had written up my coursework on the computer the night before, it was not offical coursework, it was a practice for the real piece we have to write, however yesterday, we entered the english lesson and our teacher asked how we would feel to have this practice piece we have written be our real coursework and for us to add another scene to it to back it up,we all said yes. i felt really relieved, because i have exams which are starting next week and didnt want to be stuck doing the next piece of coursework, im happy i wrote it up onto the computer aswell. so thats one less thing to worry about, but my exams are starting next week! ahh! but its ok, after the next 4weeks are over, the hard part of year10 is over and its on to the fun side of year10!
the snow!
well this morning i woke up and put on the radio to see if school was closed, and after the news they said, "all stopsley high school year 10 pupils, get to school it isnt closed" then the presents made a joke and go all of you get your arses to school! it made me laugh, my year is always the year they think does everything wrong, always the year they think will miss school because of the snow, they are proberly right. i bet they did wish they had closed the school, if i had been a teacher working at our school today i would have wished i had closed the school. my year went crazy, all throwing snow at each other, everyone throwing snow inside, everyone opening windows and throwing snow in classrooms. the mud that was around the school, the snow fights everyone had, wouldnt it have been so much easier to have given us the day off?? i didnt enjoy my walk to school, walking up bradgers hill in the snow, not something i enjoy and walking home in it, the past years when it has snowed and i have fallen down the hill but no, today was good, the snow had melted when it was time to walk down the hill. i got snow balls thrown at me by so many people! half of them i didnt even know the people who throw them!! but its weird, the snow has made me and the someone i metioned in my "what if" talk to me, and be nice to me, he made me smile as we had one of our stupid jokes from when we were really close, we wouldnt have spoken unless it had been snowing as he ran past me to go outside to have a snow fight with some of the boys in my year and the year above and he stoped to speak. it made me smile :+) so have i had a good day.....well yes i have!! i would really like a day off though for snow day!!!!
saying goodbye :+(
this is dedicated to Jana. i had to say goodbye to her at church tonight as she is going back to canada on thursday. Jana you are such an amazing person, you are so full of God and really do reflect it on everyone you meet. when people are thirsty, you deal with their thirst. you have been so great to have around over the last few months and i really will miss you. ive only just got to know you and i wish i had got to know you better but the couple of months we have known each other have been great, and our night at cemy watching troy was awesome, pigging out on chocolate. i really will be praying for you as you have your final few days here in luton and i pray that when you go home, you will be able to find a church and teach them things you have learnt here and carry on growing in your faith. you're so lovely, you always have a smile on your face and always see the best in everybody, you are so welcoming. it was really upsetting to say bye to you tonight, but God will be looking after you, and i hope you will come and visit :+) we have to keep in touch. Jana God bless you in amazing new exciting ways babe. you are really going to be missed by all of us. take care of yourself. will be thinking and praying for you. love you loads and loads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
boucing back!
well im starting to feel better now, YAY :+) just my luck to get better at the end of the holiday!! but today should be good, me and tasha are going to go out for lunch so that going to cheer me up! and im feeling pretty relaxed this morning, i had some really nice dreams and just feel happy this morning so its all good. and i think last night helped, me and josh had a really really long chat and he just made me laugh and cheered me up, hes sucha good mate and im so glad me and him got to know each other, its nice as we can flirt but neither of us take it the wrong way so thats cool. its scary to think how fast this year is going!! we are nearly in march, where have the last two months gone?? last year i have so many memories from the first two months of the year, this year i have hardly any, oh well. in 5months its july and i cant wait :+> **SuMmEr HolIdAy** :+> im looking forward to it now, i wasnt completely sure if i was looking forward to going away when mum booked it but now i am so its cool. i watched a program yesterday on tv called a place in the sun, i watch it most days but yesterday the people on it were returning to somewhere they had been before and said that it was even better than last time they were there.
thats what ive desided, im going to make this year even better than last year and really enjoy myself, i enjoyed it so much last year ( although the first couple of days were not great but we dont need to go into that! ) and was so upset when it was time to come home so this year i am going to really make sure i enjoy every minute :+) its weird back to school on monday, back to hard work and exams, but in a way i cant wait and i never normally look forward to school! but once these next 5weeks are over, the hardest 5weeks of year10 are done and il have no more exams until christmas, and the fun in year 10 begins, work experience been one of them. everyone has always said to me watch when you get into year10 it goes so quickly and i didnt believe them even though year9 went really quick, but it is true year 10 is flying by and year 11 will go even quicker as its shorter. hard to think im 16 in september, and even harder to think naomi is 16 on wednesday! im feeling in a good position in life at the minute, as i no roughly where i am heading in life, im getting on well with everyone and im just feeling happy. the mood of today is helping me, as its bright outside and when ever its sunny, i always feel in a much better mood. when i woke up this morning, i was thinking of something thats been on my mind for ages, to do with 2people who can remain annoymanos! although loads of you will probs guess who they both are!!! i was thinking about the song what if and i was thinking about a lot of what ifs and things that could have happened to change how my relationship with someone is at the minute who goes to my school, it was both our fault that our friendship has been messed up yet neither of us have ever been able to sort it out. the other one is really obvious who it is, one word *holiday* i have so many questions that keep running through my head and i still have the hope il see this person again and still believe i will and i trust the Lord with the situation xxxx
how i am feeling.....
well if im honest i am feeling like crap. i had to go to the doctors yesterday and i am now on some really strong antibiotics. i have the flu but ive been given stronger antibiotics than normal because i keep getting ill like every 2weeks and if i carry on keep getting ill, i may have to have some blood tests but the doctor thinks these tablets will sort me out, so hopefully they will. today im feeling a bit better than yesterday but still long way off feeling better. im so fed up, so much for a holiday ay, but never mind its easter holiday in 5weeks!! xxxx
gutted :+(
im so unlucky!! its the holidays and im ill!! great!!! i didnt sleep at all last night and got up at 9 this morning and fell asleep on my sofa for 4hours. im really gutted that im ill yet again. and im gutted as i was ment to be going out for a girly dinner tonight - im really sorry guys xxxx enjoy yourselfs, il be thinkin of u all. im not sure if im going infinity, il just wait and see how im feeling.
¡ Feliz Día de San Valentín !Happy St.Valentines Day!
ahh!
crap! i ate a smartie today, just one!! thing is there was a reason behind it, i was really hungary and uno when u get that feeling u are going to be sick if u dont eat, well that happened, and the only thing my friends were eating was chocolate so i had one smarty and that was it so that i wouldnt be sick. so im a bit annoyed but il make sure it dont happen again xxx
no more chocolate for 40days and 40nights!
yup you have guessed it from my name, ive given up chocolate for lent, this means no hot chocolates, no milkshakes, and no chocolate in general!! ahh!! but im determind to do it, ive managed to do chips now im sure i can manage this!! but you know what they say, chocolate realises happy hormones!! so i hpe i wont get all grumpy!! xxxx sorry guys if i do xxxx
injection, injection, injection
well today, i got to school to find an unpleasant surprise!! we were having at poleo and tetnus jab!! ahh, i though but wasnt really scared. a good thing came out of it. a girl from my juniors who comes to my high school who is in my form that ive always been good friends, we havent really been as close as we used to be for a long timethis is as we are no longer in lessons together apart from form and science, but today we were sitting in science and had a really nice long chat and then we went down to the hall together for the injection (by this time we were both feeling scared) and we just chatted and therefore we stayed calm about the whole thing :+) and then this afternoon in form we were chatting for ages, so our friendship is coming back. we have never fallen out, just simply are never in lessons together. so that was cool. the rest of the day has been quite good, apart from one of my friends, one of the ones i fell out with before christmas, got really upset and locked herself in the loo, i dont actully no what happened, as i had gone in to get my dinner and she was chating to me before i went in to get dinner but i came back she was not talking to anyone, so i went after her with some of the other girls, but none of them helped, they kept laughing and been childesh, so im not sure if she is ok, i got her to talk a bit when she finally came out but she just said nothing was wrong and all the girls around us were crowding round her so it didnt help her. so im not really sure what has happened, so i am praying for her. so i guess today has been ok. last night i spent 2hours flat doing my homework as i dont want to have to do it in the holiday. so things are quite good now, so its the holidays next week and i cant wait :+>
church and today
well today has been quite good apart from the arguement me and mum had again :'( but lets not go in to details about that as she is talking to me again now since she collected me from church tonight.
church this morning was good, was an all age service and i really enjoyed it. i enjoyed it because everyone seemed to be a part of it and the little kids were added in. then i went into town for a little while after church with tasha and then i came home. thats home the arguement happened. so i went back out at 3-30 with hannah to town and have just came home now ( thanks hannah for cheering me up in town and stopping me from been all stressed and upset! ) church tonight was good, i though that the service was delivered really well and that it was amazing how charlie talked about been thirsty, his example was really moving about his mum. i sat with a lady who was new to the church and new to luton, she was called mellisa. i did my best to help her feel welcomed so i hope she did :+) then i had a chat with everyone at the end, so it was cool.
however one thing which has been on my mind for ages is people at infinity who seem to have come away from God. i really do hope they will come back to God, its upsetting to see how they have come away, it is my prayer that they will come back to God. i was pleased this morning to see trev at church as he hasnt been for a while so i was pleased that he came this morning. so i am really praying for everyone in infinity that they will come back to infinity and back to God. its upsetting to see how infinity was really packed and loads of people came and then when the topic of addiction came up a lot of people stopped coming. i pray that the hole they will get when the addiction goes will be filled up with Gods love and that they will be thirsty for God. if these guys will return - only God knows, but i trust in him and believe that they will return.
one thing i find nice n0w at church is the fact i have got to kno everybody and have made sooooo many good friends and some of the bestest friends, everyone at church is so easy to get along with and i thank God for bringing me to stmarys and putting these awesome people in my life :+)
:+)
well my bro is chattin to me again like he used to, so i think slowly things are getting better, i had a nice chat with his girlfriend last night to and when they started kissing i turned round and went oi im in the middle of speaking they didnt listen straight away but did stop in the end and say sorry. so i guess things are slowly improving. im getting on really well with mum so thats good :+) so at mo im happy
going good
things are going really well at school at the moment with a group of us who used to eat lunch together eating lunch together again. im enjoying school at the minute so everything is going well. my brother has started talking to me again which im pleased about, im still been a bit wary though. my mate whos been getting in a lot of trouble at school has been good the last 2 days, which has made me please. also some boys who are 2years older than me who i was really good friends with when i started high school and stayed been good friends with until the end of year 8. i then fel out with 1 of them which led me to falling out with them all, however now they have left school they all chat to me and things are good between all of us. just a moment ago one of the boys who i havent seen since he left school, i just saw and he came up to me and started chatting to me, it has made my day that im slowly becoming friends with them all again :+) so right now im life, im happy :+>
praise God
wow wow wow wow wow wow wow!!!!!!!!!! my brother has just come through the door and started chatting to me and he is acting like he used 2 act with me before we split up...is this the chance we are going to make up?? i hope so, im been extra nice 2 him :+)
Father,
i want to thank you that jonny has just come in and is talking to me, Lord it means so much to me after how long we have not been talking to each other for and above all he is talking to me and treating me like he used to, and showing that he cares and loves me. Thank you Father. amen xxxxxxxxxx
today at school
well i had quite a nice day at school today, the day went pretty quick and the lessons were all quite good. the boy i have been praying for in my year was sitting next to me in re, and didnt get in trouble once, i was really proud of him, and everytime he went to say something he shouldnt i said to him not to and he listened. i find it nice that he will listen to me when i try to tell him something for his own good so im in a good mood about that :+) lunch was good as well, a big group of us ate lunch together today for the first time in ages and we all had a laugh so that was really cool and last lesson i had drama and our group showed our piece of work, i used 2 be so frightened about going on the stage but since december i love going on stage and showing my work as i feel proud of it :+) and then i walked home with one of me best mates and me and her have grown up together and have sucha laugh when we are together, so my day 2day...its been good :+>
not again
once again im not well. i have such a bad headache ive had it on and off since friday so today ive had to take the day off with the hope it will go. im really fed up, i keep getting ill so often. im unlucky i have a low imunie system i think, so it means if a bug is going round im more likey to catch it. so im feeling upset at moment. i have only been up about 45mins, and it wasnt cause i was tired, its because i didnt have much energy to get up. in a minute i guess im going to get on with the work i can do which i will have missed in class, as the work we are doing in most lessons we bring home to work on at home as well as in the lesson, so i can catch up quite quickly.xxx.
nandos!!
went to nandos 2night with tasha, christine and karen and it was great, unfourtunatly hannah couldnt come as shes not well - get better soon babe xxx. back to nandos, i had a really good time, was great us chilling out together and will def have to do it again, christine and tasha took loads a pictures so hopefully soon il have some up and running on here!! well thanks guys for a wicked night, love u all xxxxxxx
