feelings

church last night was good. Jude did her talk about boiler rooms and how God has led her to this. i listened to her talk but not a 100% because i have so much on my mind at the mintue that i was just praying in my head to my Father about it telling him how im feeling. then our responce after she finished speaking was to step up to the cross or step to the side. i went to the loo before responding and came back and was singing and then i felt i needed to go and kneel down at the front so i did, and i just poured my heart out to the Lord about everything which is on my mind at the moment. i really could feel the Holy Spirit and felt shakey. i then after chatting with God went back to my seat to worship some more. i felt really down when i went back to sit down and talked to tasha and her mum about how im feeling. then i asked charlie to pray for me and had a chat with rob. right now im feeling still upset, but i no God is there, i know he loves me and i know i have to trust him completely. and i know things will get better. the main problem is things at home again. and at the moment i havent got the patience to deal with it. but i just have to trust in the Lord.

im looking forward to tomorrow evening though, as infinity wasnt on tonight a group of us from infinity are going to the cinema. this should be cool. however i aint looking forward to wednesday, i have my science exams for the modular science, i really havent learnt much in science over the last few weeks, so ive just got to do my best and stay relaxed, i think deep down i have learnt it but i just keep thinking i havent as this happened before when i had the other exams and i did well. then next monday all my year10 mocks start. you know what im going to be completely honest im dreding the next 2 and a bit weeks. i cant wait until the exams are over and i cant wait until the holiday. from been ill the last holiday it really doesnt feel like i have had a rest and i think thats making me stressed.

however im so pleased i went and kneeled down and told God everything last night, it helped to tell him how i am feeling and why i feel like it. i know he loves me and i know whatever happens will be in his Will. now i just have to stay calm and relaxed and do me best to deal with things insted of getting snappy. i also have all my friends around me listening to me and hannah listened to me for ages tonight going on and on but i needed to get it off my chest. so thankyou to everyone who has listened.

'im lost in wonder, im lost in love, im lost in praise for evermore, because of Jesus unfailing love, i am forgiven, i am restorte.'

over the last 3days since the famine i have sung this so much, and it is so true. i really dont no what i would do without Jesus. he is truely my best friend. he knows absoletely everything. i think aswell im feeling upset and come march tomorrow it will nearly be a year since my God dads child died of cancer. and at the end of april its a year since my nan died. the time has gone so quickly and i miss them both so much.

father, i want to thank you for never leaving me. for always been there looking after me. Lord you know right now how im feeling with things at home and the worrys i have about some of my friends and the worrys i have about the exams. Lord i pray you will help for me to have more patience and i pray Lord in thanks for all my friends. that they are always there and always willing to listen to me even when its about the same thing sometimes. Lord i really pray you would bless all of my friends and help for them to know how grateful i am for them. Lord i just pray that the next 3weeks would go well and then when the holiday comes, i can relax. i pray that me,dan,steve,tasha and hannah would be able to deside what we are going to do for our Holy Space. Father, thank you for loving me unconditionally. i love you with all of my heart. amen xxxx